


I'll be good

by Hippua



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depressing, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:29:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3786655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippua/pseuds/Hippua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slowly, one, two, three, the rain falls. It falls with beauty and freedom, only to die when it hit the ground. It fall like the tears sadness, never ending. Always there, even when it is forgotten. One, two, three.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eren

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR ALL PEOPLE, SO PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION.

Slowly, one, two, three, the rain falls. It falls with beauty and freedom, only to die when it hit the ground. It fall like the tears sadness, never ending. Always there, even when it is forgotten. One, two, three.

Even with love others will cheat, will lie, and stab you in the heart. And every time I look at him I feel more and more empty. Was I only his toy? No, not after almost five years, at least I don’t think so. What the hell do I know? Not the name of name of the naked man next to my boyfriend? Why did he do this? Well I guess he never really loved me.

‘No one loves you Eren.’ My inner voice tells me ‘You are nothing, just a bug that needs to be squashed. Nothing more nothing less’

Why today? Why not tomorrow? Then it would have been five years today, if not for this. 

So far both men have not yet woken up. So I go and collect all of my things. All of my clothing, all of my toiletries, all of the gifts I was going to give him. The love of my life, my sun, my moon, and my stars, my everything. Looking at the apartment all my thing are gone, but one ring. At first it looks black, but is navy blue. On it there are a pair of overlapping wings, The Wings of Freedom. I see them a lot in my dreams.

“Good bye Levi. I hope you forgive me” I say before closing the door and leave. I walk to my happy place, in the pouring rain. Will it still be a happy place? Only one other human knows about it, and that person is Levi.

‘He won’t go after you. You saw the other man. You saw it. Levi never really loved you’

“Shut up!” I yell at my self. No one is out in this rain, only crazy people like me. And there is only one me, so I am all alone. All alone, all alone, all alone.

Who would have guessed that, me Eren Jäger the one who always smiles, who always helps, who has a bad temper, who had Levi, is about to kill them self. I go to my little tree house, at my old house. No one lives there it is just an empty shell now. It used to be full of laughter and life, now it is like a dead body. Just standing there with no life left.

My dad built the tree house when I was five. Then it was everything, I would sleep in it when it was summer, I would play with Armin, I would be happy. Now it has my art, all of it. With in all that art there is a knife. It is sharp perfect for cutting my skin.

I slowly write in my arm ‘I saw you’. It doesn't hurt like I thought It would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh my, I am sorry.” I apologise to the man I ran in to.  
“It’s fine brat” The man says. He is shorter than me with black hair styled in to an undercut, and piercing grey eyes. “Stop staring brat.”

“Why do you call me brat?” I ask him

“Because I don’t know your name.” He says calmly. 

“Eren”

“Nice to meet you Eren, my name is Levi.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

As humans are, our only job to die? I know we should create the next generation, but they will die and we will die. So why live? Why do anything? Why remember the good and the bad? Why do we hate each other. 

I get up and get one of my drawing books and flip to a blank page. I draw Levi one last time, while looking at my hand. There on my hand is the other ring. It is the same as levis, but is white not navy blue. I also sing the song I’ll be good by Jaymes Young.

“I thought I saw the devil, this morning  
Looking in the mirror  
Drop of rum on my tongue, with a warning  
To help me see myself clearer  
I never meant to start a fire  
I never meant to make you bleed  
I'll be a better man today

I'll be good, I'll be good  
And I'll, love the world like I should (Yeah)  
I'll be good, I'll be good  
For all of the time...  
That I never could

My past has tasted bitter, for years now  
So I wield an iron fist  
Grace is just weakness, or so I've been told  
I've been cold, I've been merciless  
But the blood on my hands scares me to death  
Maybe I'm waking up  
Today...

I'll be good, I'll be good  
And I'll, love the world like I should  
I'll be good, I'll be good (I'll be good, I'll be good)  
For all of the light that I shut out  
For all of the innocent things that I doubt  
For all of the bruises that I've caused in the tears  
For all of the things that I've done all these years, no  
Yeah, for all the sparks that I've stomped out  
For all of the perfect things that I've doubt.

I'll be good, I'll be good  
And I'll love the world, like I should.  
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good  
For all of the times I never could.

Oooh oh oh  
Oooh ohh  
Oooh oh oh  
For all of the times I never could.”

Slowly as I draw, I lose more and more blood. I see him. I see him smiling at me and telling me good job. I see him. But how? I must almost be dead.

“I love you Le-” 

Slowly, one, two, three, the rain falls. It falls with beauty and freedom, only to die when it hit the ground. It fall like the tears sadness, never ending. Always there, even when it is forgotten. One, two, three.


	2. Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens next?

Eight days. Eight days ago he was supposed to come home. Where is he? Did something happen? Was I just that much of an ass to make him run? No he would have left a long time ago if I was that bad. The only thing I see in the apartment that is not mine is a ring. It’s black with two overlapping wings on it. The Wings of Freedom. How could they be here, I have only seen them in my dreams.

My phone buzzes. “Hello?” I ask hoping it is him.

“Hey. I just wanted you to know, last week was lost of fun we should do it again soon” The voice says.

“Who the fuck are you?” I ask calmly.

“Oh we have never talked on the phone, but you remember me right? Every so often we would go out to drink, then you would take me home. From there, well lets just say the sounds you make are beautiful.”

“I am very sorry sir, but I have a boyfriend. So may you please not call me again.” With that I end the call.

So I have been cheating on my boyfriend, with some man I don’t even know the name of. Well shit this could not get any worse, well he could be dead, but I’m not going to think about it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Levi!” Eren yells “Wait for me!”

It was summer we were at his sisters house Shiganshina. She is nice, a lot like me. We both have that don’t mess with me look. Right now we were running to the pool, that has no heating. So my friends may I say when I jumped in to the water I froze. So did Eren, he looked so cute when his widened when he realized that, the pool was freezing.

“holy crap! The water is freezing!” Eren said

“No need to yell brat I know how cold it is” I tell him

“The water is not as cold as your heart” he says looking away

“But, you love my frozen heart”

“Yah you are right, I do love you.”

“I love you too Eren. Now come over here and let me kiss you”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was the first time we told each other that we love each other. In his sisters pool, she did not look happy when she came back with her girlfriend, but who cares.

And there goes my phone again. “What the hell do you want?” I yell at who ever is on the phone.

“Hello sir. Are you Levi Ackerman” The voice asks.

“Yes who the hell are you?” I spit back. 

“My name is Harold,” Pff. Harold what a lame name “I am wondering if you could identify someone for us.” Harold gives me the location to meet him.

Shit. This must be bad. I hope who it is they are okay. Well seeing how they want me to identify a body, that means the person is probably dead. Well who ever you are may you rest in peace. May you be in the lords favor or Satans mercy, wherever you go.

When I get there everything is wrong. Because you know that Feeling? When you want to go home, and lay on your bed all day and cry. With the feeling of depression. With everything going wrong. And you want your loved one to say that everything will be okay, but they are not there any more. And deep down, you know you killed there light. That is how I feel looking at the body.

How could Eren kill himself, with a smile on his face. How? Did I do this? Was I just that bad of a boyfriend? Or was it that other man? Looking down I see I put on the ring, and I am glad that I did, because on Erens ring finger there is the same ring, but in white. 

“I am sorry Eren” I whisper.

“So sir may I ask do you know this man?” Harold asks me

“Yes he is my fiance, Eren Jäger.” Okay it might have been a lie, but I was thinking of asking him soon. Well I guess that he beat me to that.

“Oh I am very sorry for your lost.” With that he leaves me alone. 

Looking at him, he must have been here for more than eight days. Eight days, that is when I went out and got drunk. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit. I screwed everything up. If only I could tell him. On his arm he cut the words ‘I saw you’. That must mean he saw the other man I don’t know the name of. Why did you not talk to me Eren? If you did this would not have happened. “I love you my little angel. See you one day.” What is his family going to say? They are going to blame me for his death. They will never want to see me again, they won’t even let me go to his funeral, will they? Oh my friends Hange, and Erwin what are they going to say? They won’t blame me, but they will look at me like I am an animal or a monster.

Slowly I walk home to my empty apartment. There I will go and join Eren, no matter where he are I will see him again, because I love him with all my heart. Before I do anything, I text Hange and Erwin to come to my place tomorrow. Knowing them, they will walk right in without knocking. I find some paper and wright ‘I would like it if you could bury me with Eren. You don’t have to seeing how I am dead, but I would like to be with him in the end.’. 

With that out of the way I find a kitchen knife and cut on my arm ‘I am sorry’. I don’t know how Eren did it, because it hurts like hell. Though this is not how I will die, I go to the bathroom and find my sleeping pills. I just got them refiled, so there is a lot. I take almost every single pill and lay on my bed, no, not my bed. It is Erens and my bed, it is ours. Before I fall asleep I sing, I don’t know why I just do. I don’t know the song, but I know it by heart.

“I thought I saw the devil, this morning  
Looking in the mirror  
Drop of rum on my tongue, with a warning  
To help me see myself clearer  
I never meant to start a fire  
I never meant to make you bleed  
I'll be a better man today

I'll be good, I'll be good  
And I'll, love the world like I should (Yeah)  
I'll be good, I'll be good  
For all of the time...  
That I never could

My past has tasted bitter, for years now  
So I wield an iron fist  
Grace is just weakness, or so I've been told  
I've been cold, I've been merciless  
But the blood on my hands scares me to death  
Maybe I'm waking up  
Today...

I'll be good, I'll be good  
And I'll, love the world like I should  
I'll be good, I'll be good (I'll be good, I'll be good)  
For all of the light that I shut out  
For all of the innocent things that I doubt  
For all of the bruises that I've caused in the tears  
For all of the things that I've done all these years, no  
Yeah, for all the sparks that I've stomped out  
For all of the perfect things that I've doubt.

I'll be good, I'll be good  
And I'll love the world, like I should.  
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good  
For all of the times I never could.

Oooh oh oh  
Oooh ohh  
Oooh oh oh  
For all of the times I never could.”

Everything is black there is no up or down, left or right. There is only space, till I see a bright light. I start to move towards it. It may be life, it may be death all I know is that Eren is close. And I am right, there in front of me is the love of my life alive. He has on a brown shirt and a leather jacket with the Wing of Freedom on it. He also has really nice white pants that makes his legs look amazing. But the biggest difference is fact that he has wings. Not small cute wings, no these are huge-about twice his size-white wings. 

“So where dead?” Is the first thing out of my stupid mouth. “Do you forgive me?”

“Yes. The man you were with drugged you. I can only tell because when I came in you were sleeping. And now when I look back I know you would never cheat on me.” Eren tells me.

“Oh Eren thank you I love you. I love you. I love you. I never said that enough when we were alive”

“I love you too. Now promise never to leave me again.”

“I promise Eren”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I am evil and heartless. >:D
> 
> Sorry if it is slightly all over, when I was writing this I was feeling extremely depressed so this is what happened.


End file.
